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How To Convince Tiverton To Open A Strip Club by Using The Twin River Casino Model

The following Letter To The Editor was submitted and written by Cameron Ramsay, a resident of Tiverton. The views and opinions expressed within do not necessarily reflect those of What’sUpNewp, our writers or our advertisers. If you have a Letter To The Editor that you would like to share, e-mail it to Ryan@whatsupnewp.com

Donate tons of money to the state and local politicians. Then make sure that your employees do the same thing. This is so the politicians don’t ask any questions about the economic study and job projections. They are not highly educated in the strip club industry so the money will go a long way.

Of course, you will have the bigger and more elaborate strip clubs competing with you. The trick is to not include them in the economic study. You wouldn’t want the town and the state to know that you’ll be making less money than you are projecting. The state is the one who has to pay the town if the strip club fails.

Don’t worry about getting the votes passed through the Tiverton Town Council. They know nothing about the strip club industry. Convincing them will be easy! Make up big income numbers and you will see their faces brighten up. Don’t worry about the fact that that strip clubs are historically a bad business model. The town council only cares about the next two years. They don’t care about what a strip club will do to the town’s long range outlook.

Design the outside of the strip club to look like a library. It makes up for the fact that the town will have much higher murder, suicide and robbery rates. Hopefully the residents won’t notice that their property values plummet, their insurance rates go up and there is no change to their property taxes.

Some residents might have environmental concerns. They will worry about the water flow, wetlands and the overall environment. Tell them not to worry because you are doing an environmental study. Just make sure that you don’t complete the study until a week or two before the election.  And if a problem does come up, you can always have your political friends change the laws.

Cameron Ramsay

Vote No on #8  (TIverton) & # 1 (statewide)

Ryan M. Belmore

Ryan M. Belmore is the Owner & Publisher of What's Up Newp. Ryan is a member of Local Independent Online News (LION) Publishers. Send questions, tips, and story ideas to Ryan@whatsupnewp.com.