Valerie Remillard is an Intimacy Director. What’s that, you ask. Read on…
Just prior to the pandemic, she directed a production of “Almost, Maine” at the Community Players in Pawtucket. The show is actually nine short plays stapled together, exploring love and loss in a mythical Maine town called Almost.
“There is intimacy in every one of those stories,” says Remillard. “I had nine pairs of actors, almost all of whom were kissing, in winter, the worst germ time of the year. I wanted to be sure everyone felt safe doing that action, so I added specific choreography.”
In the show’s final scene, both actors have to remove multiple layers of clothing. They’re outside, and it’s pretty cold in Maine. They end up wearing just their undergarments.
“Our costume designer asked if I wanted a safety layer,” something they could wear underneath those undergarments to help them feel safe, but which couldn’t be seen under the undergarments and couldn’t interfere with the costume.
“That was such a positive experience,” says Remillard. “Everyone felt comfortable. And I thought, we should handle intimacy like this all the time.”
And then the pandemic hit, so Remillard used that time to do some research on intimacy training and coaching. “I read an article about Salma Hayek and her experiences on ‘Frida’ and what she went through with Harvey Weinstein. It got under my skin.”
She learned that intimacy training exists and thought, “That’s a good thing. We need it hear in Rhode Island.” Remillard started taking on-line classes with Intimacy Directors and Coordinators (IDC), which trains and certifies intimacy professionals worldwide. As an Intimacy Director, Remillard works mostly with live stage productions.
When the pandemic let up, she started working with Ted Clement, who runs the theater program at the Community College of Rhode Island. “I come in and do a workshop at the start of every production.” She discusses consent advocacy and boundaries. “I tell them I’m there if they need me. If there’s intimacy choreography, they’ll see me.”
Her aim is to get anyone involved in a production into the practice of saying no when you mean no. She describes the traffic lights of intimacy. My phrasing, not hers.
“Red light means you won’t do it at all. Like I won’t kiss on the lips at all. Yellow light means I’m a little nervous about kissing on the lips, I’m in a relationship, but I could probably be good to go if I had a little more info. Green light means you’re good to go, you trust what’s going on.”
Remillard’s job is to choreograph moments of intimacy with beat-by-beat direction. “I joke, because this comes up all the time. You would never show up with a fight coordinator, give two people swords, and say, okay, do it. But we do that all the time with intimacy.”
Remillard recalls directing “Shakespeare in Love” at Prout School. “It was the high school version, but was anyone in the room making decisions on what stayed in? Any parents, teachers?”
There’s a scene after the two main characters have presumably slept together. The stage direction in the high school version has one actor on top of the other, kissing at the end of Act One. “When Act Two opens, they’re in a state of post-coital canoodling, not fully dressed. Who decided this?”
Using her better judgment, Remillard sanitized these scenes. “At the end of Act One, they’re kissing. When Act Two opens, she was in his arms, standing on a balcony.”
Remillard struggles a bit with younger actors. “They have trouble saying no. They are very much people pleasers and that makes consent hard. They think there are too many consequences to saying no even if that’s their answer. They’ll say yes and regret it later.”
Remillard cautions all actors that “yes” means nothing if “no” is not an option.
Remillard has expanded to work with the Contemporary Theatre Company in Wakefield, and with the film program at the Rhode Island School of Design. “There, I focus mainly on consent.”
A lot of what Remillard does “is specifically aimed at the stage, but I do have presentations that aren’t aimed at the stage.”
Anyone wishing to learn more about intimacy directing and coordination can reach Valerie Remillard at missvalerietheater@gmail.com. You can also learn more at IDC Professionals.