In her TED Talk “Life’s Third Act,” Jane Fonda describes aging not as a time of decline, but as a “staircase–a time for the upward ascension of the human spirit, bringing us into wisdom, wholeness and authenticity.”
And yet, many people fear that aging after 60 means a slow loss of independence. But that fear doesn’t come exclusively from age itself, much of it is rooted in ageism. Ageism is the persistent message we start hearing early in life, deeply ingrained in a culture that worships youth. These messages are everywhere, and over time, they reinforce the idea that growing older means becoming less relevant, less capable, less worthy.
This isn’t just about how we treat older adults–it starts much earlier. Young girls and women are bombarded with anti-aging messages long before they’ve even begun to age, fueled by a multi-billion-dollar industry. The message is clear: aging is a flaw to be corrected. When we equate youth with value, we educate people, especially women, to fear aging, rather than see it as a time of growth, wisdom, strength, and empowerment.
The result? By the time we reach our “Third Act,” many of us have internalized the idea that aging is something to resist, hide, or be ashamed of. Ageism erodes our confidence and clarity. It shrinks our possibilities, limits our independence, and hinders the full potential of Act Three.
Consider the following:
- Over half of young women are stressed about aging. A 2023 survey conducted by Allure and The Harris Poll found that 56% of GenZ and 57% of millennial women report being stressed about aging, even while still in their 20s and 30s.
- Ageism affects most older adults. A study published in the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society found that over 80% of older adults reported experiencing internalized ageism. These beliefs are linked to poorer physical and mental health, lower self esteem and decreased independence.
Rhode Island is not immune to the effects of ageism, or its role as a roadblock to independence for older adults.
“Our older neighbors carry around deeply rooted, unconscious social beliefs they’ve internalized across the years which impact their outlook on aging and lead to negative health outcomes…So, I think it’s important for all sectors of Rhode island to join in fighting ageist narratives and create a culture where healthy aging is the priority of all generations,” said James Connell, Executive Director of Age-Friendly Rhode Island. Age-Friendly RI is a leader in changing this narrative.
Ageism is an overarching “ism” that needs to be addressed, talked about, and actively dispelled. It affects us all. Everyday ageist messages reinforce harmful stereotypes about aging. Comments like “you look great for your age, she’s set in her ways, he’s having a senior moment” may seem harmless, but have a cumulative effect that aging is something to overcome rather than embrace.
In my work with families across Rhode Island, I have heard from older adults from many walks of life and income levels. Ageism affects us all. I once overheard a 9-year old in Sephora ask her mom to buy a cream that will prevent wrinkles–because she saw it on Instagram. I’ve heard from a woman who fell and refused to use a walker, even for safety, because she didn’t want to appear old. I know men and women who don’t leave their homes out of shame, embarrassed to admit they have incontinence issues and are reluctant to buy products that would help them live more independently.
We can do better. And better starts with you.
We’ve come a long way in raising awareness about ageism, but we still have far to go. The good news is that each of us can be part of the shift. Each of us can take action. Saying hello to an older neighbor, asking how they’re doing, or simply acknowledging their presence and value can go a long way in supporting independence and connection. A culture that sees aging as a strength starts with each of us. And when we do, it brings wisdom, wholeness and authenticity to all of us.
Helen Hames is a Certified Senior Advisor and the Founder of Age Ambassador. She helps older adults and families across Rhode Island navigate the complex decisions that come with aging–whether that means staying safely at home or transitioning to senior living. With deep expertise and a personal approach, she believes that each person’s values and priorities should shape the path ahead. Helen connects people to trusted resources that support aging well at any stage–helping them take meaningful steps to what matters most. Learn more at AgeAmbassador.com.