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October 18, 2018

Tyler’s Two Cents: Thanksgiving Eve


Chris Electric

Welp, it’s here, the most anticipated drinking day of the year, Thanksgiving Eve. Tonight is the night where you have the opportunity to reconnect with old friends that are back in town for the long holiday weekend.

{Editor’s Note:  Unlike the majority of Tyler’s editorials, this one is meant to be playful and fun. For the post part, it’s not to be taken literally.}

Tonight is THE unofficial night of high school reunions, hook-ups that should’ve never happened and overindulgence. Widely regarded as an event that rivals New Years Eve and St. Patrick’s Day for the biggest party day of the year, tonight is sure to be a good time. While you’re out and about this evening, just be sure to keep a few things in mind.

1 – DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE. Pretty straight forward one right out of the gates. A night that is nicknamed “Blackout Wednesday” has a reputation that precedes itself and believe me, the police are well aware. Every officer available will be on duty and watching for impaired drivers. Do yourself a favor, leave the car at home and walk to your watering hole. Getting a DUI is not a fun process by any means and it will set you back thousands of dollars along with a long line of headaches and legal issues. More importantly, you could end up hurting yourself or someone else and no one should have to deal with that kind of heartbreak before the holidays. When you’ve had your fill of vodka sodas and fireball shots, request an Uber or call our friends at Island Taxi (401-846-2500) for a ride instead of getting a lift in the backseat of a Newport PD cruiser. If you do make the mistake of driving drunk and get pulled over, be sure to stop by the Law Offices of Craig Hein, located at 1 Courthouse Square.

2 – Pace yourself. Like St. Patrick’s Day, tonight is a marathon, not a sprint. Be sure to substantiate yourself before you throw caution to the wind. Eat your carbs without care, you’ll be in sweats all day tomorrow anyways. Drink water and stay hydrated. Spacing between drinks keeps your blood alcohol concentration down and will certainly help quell tomorrow morning’s hangover. Last parade day, we opened the restaurant doors at 10:30 in the morning and the first guest was kicked out at 10:35 for sleeping against a wall. I’m no detective but I’m going to assume he didn’t pace himself accordingly. Don’t be that guy.

3 – Take care of your bartenders. You knew this one was coming but in all seriousness, tonight for bartenders is how accountants feel during tax season and how people in retail feel on Black Friday. We are sacrificing time with our family and friends to provide you with a good time and hopefully make some coin. So please play nice, be polite and take care of those who are taking care of you. The teacher who you had a crush on in high school, who you are now trying to drown in Sauvignon Blanc hoping to get lucky will appreciate what a mature young man you’ve grown up to be when you show her that you know how to tip appropriately.

4 – Hit the store before hitting the bar. If you’re like me, you’re last minute about everything. Be sure you’ve provisioned for tomorrow’s festivities before going out on the town so you’re not rushing around like a mad man trying to find ingredients to make your lackluster green bean casserole.

5 – Get your spiel down. You’re inevitably going to have to answer the same questions over and over again so make sure you’re locked and loaded when those inquiries come knocking on your door. I can picture it now, “Hey you! How’ve you been? What are you up to these days? Where are you working? How’s the girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife? Cool. Great talk. Let’s do it again next Thanksgiving Eve. Now I recommend making up some ludicrous anecdote to make yourself seem more interesting and throw your long lost companions for a loop. Most of the time, the answers to the aforementioned questions are as follows; “Hey! I’ve been good. Same old stuff. Still working for my dad’s company. We actually broke up.” Spice things up and say you’re training to be an astronaut or just invested in a monkey sanctuary in Asia, that’s way more fun than saying you sit behind a desk all day and talk trash to teenagers while playing Xbox live at night.

6 – Don’t forget to stop by the Newport Blue’s Cafe tonight to see local artist Camden Murphy headline a show in his own hometown. Doors open at 9pm and the show starts at 10pm, cover charge is $10. Be sure to support local artists and pick up some of his new merchandise, hot off the press. There will be plenty of good times, good vibes and good people so come out and show some love.

7 – Remember why you’re drinking so much tonight, primarily because it is going to help you get through the family meal tomorrow. When Aunt Sally and Uncle Richard show up and can’t stop talking about politics, you’ll be thankful for that Red Bull vodka you chugged at 12:45 the night before. It’s times like these that you wish you could vote yourself off the adult table and return to the kids table to play with legos and watch Frozen 7 times while your Uncles are pounding scotch in the kitchen and aggressively arguing over Donald Trump. You’ll be too hungover to care and face first in a pile of mashed potatoes and gravy.

8 – Keeping with that same theme, politics are a big NO NO at the bar. Please keep them confined to your homes.

9 – Relive the glory days. Brag to your friends about that touchdown catch you had junior year in the state semi-finals. Hell, go ahead and break out the old Letterman just so people remember you were Mr. Big Time back then. Make sure you can find a house party to show your old classmates that even at 30 years old, you’re still the Steph Curry of beer pong. Try to hang out with your high school ex-girlfriend, nothing bad has ever come from that. You can’t hit a homer if you don’t swing for the fences! Start every convo with “remember that one time at so-and-so’s party,” people love those kind of stories. Be sure you’re loud enough so everyone is reminded that you’re still relevant even though you peaked at eighteen.

10 – Have fun, stay safe and be thankful.
I will be working at Midtown Oyster Bar this evening. My liver decided that it’s best that I work tonight instead of going out considering the fact that I have a problem understanding the word “moderation.” If you’re out and about this evening, please stop by for a drink and say hello! I’m extremely thankful that Ryan Belmore extended his hospitality to me this year in hosting my ’’ column and for the opportunity that I have to share my thoughts to the Newport community through WhatsUpNewp. It’s something that I have grown to love and take a great deal of pride in doing. I’m thankful for everyone who has taken the time to read my editorials and for those who have reached out to me in support, I truly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. I hope your holiday is filled with fun, friends and family. Happy Thanksgiving Newport!


Tyler Bernadyn

Tyler Bernadyn at Midtown Oyster Bar

Tyler is a local hospitality professional, bartending at Midtown Oyster Bar Wednesday through Sunday nights on the Burgee Bar and at Caleb&Broad on Monday nights for their award winning $10 entree dinner special.

Tyler is a graduate of Providence College and a true Rhode Islander, born and bred.

Email him at TylerBernadyn@gmail.com and follow him on Instagram at @tylerbernadyn

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